Homelessness

I fed a homeless person today. I'm not saying that so that you all think I'm wonderful; it actually makes me feel quite crappy. Let me explain.

I was sitting on a bench in town, eating my hotdog (don't tell my slimming club leader), and this lad comes along and mumbles something to me. I asked him to repeat what he had said, so bowing his head towards me slightly and looking at my hotdog he repeated "Can you spare any change so that I can get something to eat?" I paused for a moment, not knowing what to say. I don't agree with lying, and I knew I had some change. But like everywhere else I suspect, we have a big drug problem in our town, and I can't possibly know if he is genuine or not.

I told him I don't give change to people I don't know. He gave a slightly pained expression, closing his eyes, holding his tummy, and tilting his head backwards. "Please" he begged. “Are you hungry?” I asked, and he nodded. “I’ll buy you something to eat if you’re hungry, but I’m sorry, I don’t give money to people I don’t know”. He seemed happy with that, saying “I totally respect that”. So off we walked to the hotdog stand, and I bought him a hotdog (with cheese at his request!) and a can of drink too. I made a joke about losing my seat on the bench, and then we parted company.

I can’t imagine how embarrassing it must feel to have to ask someone to give you the money to feed yourself. It was obviously hard enough for him the first time round, and then I made him repeat it. Then, it was obvious that I was buying the food for him, humiliating the boy even further. I couldn’t even give him the dignity of being able to buy it himself.

I usually avoid homeless people like the plague, but that’s only because of a bad experience I once had. A girl was sitting in the street in town, and it was late in the year, so it was dark although it wasn’t late. She was asking for money as people walked by, so I asked her if she wanted something to eat. Off I went and bought her something, and then we sat on the bench and chatted for a while. She admitted that she had used drugs before, and wasn’t offended that I offered to buy her food instead of giving her money. I suspect that the genuine cases usually aren’t. Then this big scary looking bloke came along and started shouting at her, saying that she had stolen his phone. It seemed to go on forever, and I didn’t know what to do. I was just sitting there, right in the middle of it, and I thought “How can I just walk away while this man is being so threatening towards her?” I spoke up to try to calm the bloke down, which was totally the wrong thing to do, and he started shouting at me as well, and accusing me of being a “smack head”. The situation totally shook me up, especially as I was feeling rather fragile at the time anyway, and I made my excuses and left. For a long time after that I suffered from anxiety attacks each time I went into town, especially if a stranger tried to approach me.

Homeless people seem different to how they used to be. Maybe it’s always been this way in bigger towns and cities, I don’t know, but years ago in our town homeless people seemed to be smelly old men wearing long coats and fingerless gloves, who maybe smoked roll-ups. These days you can’t tell them apart from any other teenager hanging around in the town centre. But then I’m not sure if these truly are homeless people, or just beggars. I don’t remember seeing homeless people actually begging before, although I remember seeing homeless people. They always used to just look through bins, although I am in no way suggesting that this is how a person should live.

One bloke in particular that I remember, always used to come into KFC when I worked there, when it was cold and dark, just for somewhere to keep warm. He’d buy a cup of tea, and go and sit in the corner out of the way. We always used to get a free dinner at KFC, which I didn’t always use, so I would put a bit of dinner on a tray for him and take it over. Again, I’m not blowing my own trumpet, the point I’m making is that he never took that for granted. He didn’t start coming in every night thinking he would get a free meal, and when he did come in he never asked for it, he would just ask for his normal cup of tea, and he would always pay for it.

On the other hand, we used to get another old lady come in, who I don’t think was actually homeless, but she was scruffy looking, and she used to buy a bag of fries and then ask you to slip some chicken in there for her. I would always apologise and say no, explaining that the chicken pieces are actually counted, so I couldn’t get away with it. It never stopped her asking though, and she was very persistent. But I knew that if I started giving it to her she would be coming in all the time for it. She should have gone to a chip shop instead; they’re much better value for money.

As I said, in the past most homeless people never seemed to expect help from others. There was a lady that my Mum met once, who said she had made herself voluntarily homeless. She said she was going to be a missionary in China, and that living homeless was part of her training. I don't know if that is true or not, or if she was simply embarrassed by her current situation. My Mum said she seemed well educated, and was well spoken. Anyway, one night she was outside a shop in the area where my Mum lived at the time, looking through a bin for something to eat. It was a cold night, with snow on the ground, and all she had on her feet were newspapers and carrier bags that she had wrapped around them. Some lads started throwing stones and snow balls at her, so my Mum gave them a telling off and checked that the girl was alright. My Mum asked where she would sleep that night, and the girl explained that she would just find a bus shelter somewhere. My Mum insisted that the girl spent the night at her house, saying that if she didn’t she would be worrying about her all night. The girl finally agreed, although she didn’t want to go; she kept saying how smelly and dirty she was and that she didn’t want to be any trouble. She said “Maybe I could just sleep in your shed?”. Realising that this was the only way she was going to get her out of the snow, my Mum agreed – and it wasn’t until they got to my Mums house that she told the girl that she doesn’t have a shed! My Mum offered her some shoes, but she wouldn't accept them, and she wouldn't accept any food to eat, only a cup of Bovril. She insisted that she didn't want to be any trouble, and she didn't want to go into the living room because she felt she was too smelly and dirty. My Mum offered her a bed for the night, but she insisted on sleeping in the hallway by the front door. She was very polite and appreciative, and left very quietly early the next morning.

I wish I had my Mums courage to show love for people in this way, but how do you know you’re not going to get that big scary bloke from town hammering on your door, accusing you of being a “smack head” and demanding his mobile phone back? I have nothing against homeless people, and I hope that my comments haven’t come across in a derogatory or stereotypical way at all. I don’t pretend to understand the issues surrounding homelessness; I just wish it didn’t exist.