Thursday, February 12, 2009

Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

... No, it's a boy... er... reading a book!

I don't know why, but I found this story really funny.

Now, I know there is a serious side to this. I mean, should parents really be encouraging their 7 year olds to climb the roof and sit on top of a chimney? (It brings a whole new meaning to the "naughty step") But the one line in this news report that made me laugh out loud was:

"His [the Dad's] arrest was triggered on 29 January after a member of the public reported a child left unattended on a roof."

...and the little photograph that accompanies it with the boy on the roof in the distance. I don't know, it just makes me laugh every time I look at it!

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Traffic Light Fraud

Ok, it's been a while. But I just had to post when I saw this piece of news.

Have you seen those cameras on top of traffic lights to detect people running red lights? Well apparently, in Italy the lights have been rigged to change from amber to red in just three seconds instead of the regulatory five or six seconds, resulting in over a million people being fined. It is estimated that this fraudulent scheme may have raked in up to £116.4 million.

I was shocked when I read this. You know why? Because in my town we're lucky if the damn lights stay on green for five or six seconds, never mind amber!

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Congratulations are in Order... Mr. and Mrs. Granny's Myth Peeler!

They had a baby! Yay! Congratulations!

*waves to baby Peeler* Coo-wee!

As usual I'm a little late off the mark though*, and baby Peeler probably has a grey beard by now, smokes a pipe, wears tartan slippers and lives in a place like this run by Nuns - and that's if the baby is a girl. I don't actually know, but Congratulations to the parents anyway.

*about a year!

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

A Nice Change

I'm over weight. It's no secret and there's no point in denying it - it's a fact.

I went to see the nurse this week about something unrelated, but while I was there I told her how bad my IBS has been recently and joked that it hasn't helped me to lose any weight and that these days I can't even get my wedding ring off. Do you know what she said? Go on, guess. I bet you can't guess.

"Here, have this diet sheet because you really need to try to lose some weight, otherwise you'll develop diabetes and heart problems and you'll be dead by the end of the week"

That would be the usual response wouldn't it? But no, she didn't say that, she said:

"You've probably got some water retention. You want to try to detox by drinking plenty of fluid, and body brushing. Green tea is good for detoxing, and also try some pro-biotics for your stomach"

She then went on to explain the correct technique for body brushing, adding "measure yourself rather than weighing, I guarantee you'll lose some inches"

Umm... ok. Thanks. I'm just a little stunned. I mean, like I said, I'm under no illusions - I'm fat, I know that. It's just so nice not to be nagged about it! In fact, this has given me more incentive to try to lose weight than any previous scare tactics.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

You're as Cold as Ice

Apparently it's gonna be very cold this winter. That's what my sister said anyway, so it must be true. I can feel it already - we're experiencing minus temperatures and it's still only October. With this in mind I decided to go shopping to prepare for the winter months - draft excluders of all descriptions, foam filler for those holes around the kitchen pipes, a shower cap for the air vent (oh yes), and a can of de-icer which I didn't even need because we already have some.

I have to say, the man in the shop didn't seem like much of a DIY enthusiast.

"Excuse me. Can you tell me where your draft excluders are please?" I'm usually very polite I'll have you know.

"Yes. They're in this section somewhere. Just look around."

Ok then. Not very helpful.

I have no idea why I asked the same person for the foam filler.

"Foam filler, foam filler..." I swear he said it about five times. "Oh, you mean the stuff in a can?"

"I think so. It's the stuff you use to fill in the gaps around pipes that go through walls" I explained. Hey, he's supposed to be the expert not me!

"We have these for copper pipes" he said as he showed me some tube shaped foam.

Not exactly out of a can is it? But I thought it would be more polite to say:

"Well... the pipes go through walls so... I need to fill the gaps to stop the drafts. I'll never be able to get that foam in the gaps."

"Well these are for copper pipes" he continued.

Who said anything about copper pipes anyway? I'm not trying to keep the pipes warm, I'm trying to keep me warm! I nearly asked him if I should go and ask one of the female assistants, since they seemed to know more about DIY. But I thought it would be more polite to say:

"Well, it's not really what I'm looking for, so I'll go somewhere else. Thanks anyway"

I know what you're thinking: how do I manage to endure these encounters with such a high level of patience? I don't know. I often wonder the same thing.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Stolen Beach Cover Up

Apparently in July 500 truck loads of sand was stolen from a beach in Jamaica, and no one saw a thing! How do you hide a whole beach? It's not like you could shove it up your jumper and discreetly slip away is it?

Lack of arrests since the incident has led some to believe that the police were involved and that the whole thing has been swept under the carpet.


Thursday, October 16, 2008

Today's Top Tip

If you don't like loud chopping noises, don't move in above a Butcher's shop.

Related stupidity here.

Y'know, my brother lives above a kebab shop that's open until 3am. Maybe the half price kebabs are to stop him from complaining about the noise...