Saturday, December 29, 2007

Today's Top Worst Tip

Magic Knickers.

They're about as magic as Tesco's mushrooms. The value ones.

At £35 a pair I'd recommend that you save your money for... oh I dunno... a Betamax video maybe.

They didn’t suck me in one inch. Not even half an inch. Nothing. Zilch. Zero. Diddly squat. Zip.

They did, however, give me an excellent workout trying to get into the bloomin’ things, and I concede that they would be useful in sub-zero temperatures seeing as they start somewhere near your armpits and end at your knee caps.

My final words on the subject:
Not attractive, and not practical in a toilet emergency.

Sigh. I guess I'll have to pass on the chocolate for a while.


Thursday, December 27, 2007

Good Neighbours?

After he had gone she played “their song” over and over again.

“Nobody gonna love me better, I must stick witu forever…”

She had already forgiven him for those hurtful words he had shouted at her before he walked out, slamming the door behind him. She regretted every hurtful word she shouted back at him. She just wanted him back, and wanted everything to be right again.

“A lover’s quarrel” I thought to myself. “He’ll be back when he’s cooled down”

These neighbours seemed different to the last ones. The neighbours we had previously were not much more than kids, and behaved as such. Loud friends, louder rave music, and shabby curtains that were never opened. They didn’t really have arguments as such; that would involve too much dialogue. But they had had fights.

When the new neighbours took the time to decorate the whole house before moving in, I took that as a good sign.

“It looks like they’ve finally moved in” I said to Mr Man one night. As I parked the car on our drive I had noticed people sitting in the living room by lamp light. There was a pram in the corner of the room, and a pretty lampshade hanging around the main light. They had obviously made a lot of effort to create a home for themselves, just in time for Christmas.

“They seem like a nice little family” I continued, and thought how reassuring it is to have a respectable family settled next door.

I was surprised to be woken up by their shouting on Boxing Day. But at least that’s all it was – shouting – not the smashing, banging, and cries of struggle we had become accustomed to with our previous neighbours. This argument was two sided too – she shouted as much as he did. I chose not to worry about her, although after he had left the sound of her heart breaking was audible to all as she played the same song over and over again.

“Nobody ever made me feel this way, I must stick witu”

But he returned, just as I predicted, and today was different.

Oh, the shouting continued, but this time it was interspersed with her sobs. There was more banging than yesterday, and eventually her sobs turned to howls of grief. Not the return I was hoping for - for her or for us.

And now, all is quiet.

I hate not knowing when to get involved, and when not to. The title question is really aimed at me. This year is the first time I have ever had this experience with neighbours.

No one really knows what goes on in the lives of their neighbours do they?


Saturday, December 15, 2007

Celebration Time!

Has it really been a week since I last updated this blog? In my defence I have been particularly unwell with what I thought was a vicious bout of Irritable Bowel, but what in fact turned out to be Viral Gastroenteritis.

After a week of passing watery poo and not being able to eat very much I feel quite tired and weak. But…

Today I have cause for celebration! Yes, it’s official…




Today I did my first proper poo! I never thought I could feel so happy and excited about such a thing! I rushed off to the supermarket to buy the biggest parsnip I could find to go with the roast dinner I intend on eating tomorrow in celebration!

Not quite ready for cake or chocolate yet though… although if you’d like to send me some anyway I’m sure I’ll feel better by the time it arrives!

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Trouble and Strife – Mr Man and his Wife

Mr Man and I have very different tastes in music. In fact it’s no understatement to say that I hate some of his favourite music (Aphex Twin?), and he definitely hates mine.

I was listening to a cassette this evening (remember those?) from 1995, and it is still possibly one of the best albums I have ever bought. It’s called “Together” and it’s a collection of 20 classic soul duets from 1966 through to 1992.

“I hate this song” Mr Man kept reminding me as I cheerfully sang along.
“But it makes me think of me and you!” I kept saying, and then sang louder and directly to him.

He was unimpressed.

I realise now that it may have been my singing ability that was the problem:

“Oh I love this next one” I said “but I know you hate it. Guess which one it is” I insisted, as I started singing the introductory music before the song had started.
“The A-Team?” he offered.

The song was actually “I knew you were waiting (for me)” by George Michael and Aretha Franklin. Does that sound like the A-Team? Ok, I suppose you had to be there, but I laughed and I laughed.
“Alright settle down” says Mr Man.

Track Listing:

Side One
I knew you were waiting (for me) – George Michael and Aretha Franklin
Sometimes love just ain’t enough – Patty Smyth and Don Henley
Where is the love – Mica Paris and Will Downing
Baby, come to me – Patti Austin and James Ingram
Don’t know much – Linda Ronstadt featuring Aaron Neville
We’ve got tonight – Kenny Rogers and Sheena Easton
If you were with me now – Kylie Minogue and Keith Washington
You are everything – Dianna Ross and Marvin Gaye
Ain’t nothing like the real thing – Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell
Up where we belong – Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes

Side Two
Endless love – Dianna Ross and Lionel Richie
With you I’m born again – Billy Preston and Syreeta
Tonight I celebrate my love – Peabo Bryson and Roberta Flack
You’re all I need to get by – Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell
Stop, look, listen (to your heart) – Marvin Gaye and Dianna Ross
It takes two – Marvin Gaye and Kim Weston
Too much, too little, too late – Johnny Mathis and Deniece Williams
Reunited – Peaches and Herb
Solid – Ashford and Simpson
Teardrops – Womack and Womack

Saturday, December 01, 2007

What Colour Crayon Are You?

I know, I know, I keep posting "lazy posts" at the moment. But at least I'm still posting! One of my other blogs hadn't been updated since August!

I came across this personality quiz in Helena's blog. So, this is me: (I would like to have been a green crayon or a brown crayon just because I like those colours, but there you are... life is like a box of crayons, and you never know what you're gonna get!)

You Are a Blue Crayon

Your world is colored in calm, understated, deep colors.

You are a loyal person, and the truest friend anyone could hope to find.

On the inside, you tend to be emotional and even a bit moody.

However, you know that people depend on you. So you put on a strong front.

Your color wheel opposite is orange. Orange people may be opinionated, but you feel they lack the depth to truly understand what they're saying.

Tell me what this says about you in the comments section.