You're as Cold as Ice

Apparently it's gonna be very cold this winter. That's what my sister said anyway, so it must be true. I can feel it already - we're experiencing minus temperatures and it's still only October. With this in mind I decided to go shopping to prepare for the winter months - draft excluders of all descriptions, foam filler for those holes around the kitchen pipes, a shower cap for the air vent (oh yes), and a can of de-icer which I didn't even need because we already have some.

I have to say, the man in the shop didn't seem like much of a DIY enthusiast.

"Excuse me. Can you tell me where your draft excluders are please?" I'm usually very polite I'll have you know.

"Yes. They're in this section somewhere. Just look around."

Ok then. Not very helpful.

I have no idea why I asked the same person for the foam filler.

"Foam filler, foam filler..." I swear he said it about five times. "Oh, you mean the stuff in a can?"

"I think so. It's the stuff you use to fill in the gaps around pipes that go through walls" I explained. Hey, he's supposed to be the expert not me!

"We have these for copper pipes" he said as he showed me some tube shaped foam.

Not exactly out of a can is it? But I thought it would be more polite to say:

"Well... the pipes go through walls so... I need to fill the gaps to stop the drafts. I'll never be able to get that foam in the gaps."

"Well these are for copper pipes" he continued.

Who said anything about copper pipes anyway? I'm not trying to keep the pipes warm, I'm trying to keep me warm! I nearly asked him if I should go and ask one of the female assistants, since they seemed to know more about DIY. But I thought it would be more polite to say:

"Well, it's not really what I'm looking for, so I'll go somewhere else. Thanks anyway"

I know what you're thinking: how do I manage to endure these encounters with such a high level of patience? I don't know. I often wonder the same thing.

Stolen Beach Cover Up

Apparently in July 500 truck loads of sand was stolen from a beach in Jamaica, and no one saw a thing! How do you hide a whole beach? It's not like you could shove it up your jumper and discreetly slip away is it?

Lack of arrests since the incident has led some to believe that the police were involved and that the whole thing has been swept under the carpet.

Hehehe.

Today's Top Tip

If you don't like loud chopping noises, don't move in above a Butcher's shop.

Related stupidity here.



Y'know, my brother lives above a kebab shop that's open until 3am. Maybe the half price kebabs are to stop him from complaining about the noise...