Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

... No, it's a boy... er... reading a book!

I don't know why, but I found this story really funny.

Now, I know there is a serious side to this. I mean, should parents really be encouraging their 7 year olds to climb the roof and sit on top of a chimney? (It brings a whole new meaning to the "naughty step") But the one line in this news report that made me laugh out loud was:

"His [the Dad's] arrest was triggered on 29 January after a member of the public reported a child left unattended on a roof."

...and the little photograph that accompanies it with the boy on the roof in the distance. I don't know, it just makes me laugh every time I look at it!

Traffic Light Fraud

Ok, it's been a while. But I just had to post when I saw this piece of news.

Have you seen those cameras on top of traffic lights to detect people running red lights? Well apparently, in Italy the lights have been rigged to change from amber to red in just three seconds instead of the regulatory five or six seconds, resulting in over a million people being fined. It is estimated that this fraudulent scheme may have raked in up to £116.4 million.

I was shocked when I read this. You know why? Because in my town we're lucky if the damn lights stay on green for five or six seconds, never mind amber!

Stolen Beach Cover Up

Apparently in July 500 truck loads of sand was stolen from a beach in Jamaica, and no one saw a thing! How do you hide a whole beach? It's not like you could shove it up your jumper and discreetly slip away is it?

Lack of arrests since the incident has led some to believe that the police were involved and that the whole thing has been swept under the carpet.

Hehehe.

Today's Top Tip

If you don't like loud chopping noises, don't move in above a Butcher's shop.

Related stupidity here.



Y'know, my brother lives above a kebab shop that's open until 3am. Maybe the half price kebabs are to stop him from complaining about the noise...

Who Do You Think You Are?

The 4th and final single released from the Spice Girls’ 1st album “Spice” in March 1997 in the UK, and their 4th single to reach number one in the UK charts. It became the official Comic Relief single for 1997 and 2,200,000 copies were sold world wide.*


Who do these people think they are?

And they call the Police “Scum”?



*Please note: I am not a Spice Girls fan.

Little Britain Abroad...

... Kenny Craig in Supermarket Sweep!

This is easily the funniest thing I have seen in the news for a long time.

“Police in Italy have issued footage of a man who is suspected of hypnotising supermarket checkout staff to hand over money from their cash registers.

In every case, the last thing staff reportedly remember is the thief leaning over and saying: "Look into my eyes", before finding the till empty.”
BBC News

I confess; the first thing I did when I read that last line is check the date to see if it was April the 1st!

Just Another Day

.
“Thirty Kenyans including many children have been burned to death in a church, after seeking refuge from the mounting violence over last week's elections.”


“A suicide bomber in Iraq has killed 30 people in an attack in the capital Baghdad, police reports say.”


“At least 13 people have been killed in attacks by gunmen on two police stations and a hotel in the Nigerian oil city of Port Harcourt.”


Happy New Year.



News headlines quoted from BBC News

TODAY’S HEADLINE NEWS

ADDITIVES ‘CAUSE BAD BEHAVIOUR’

Am I caught in a time warp? I thought we’d worked that one out 25 years ago, along with the knowledge that humans are responsible for climate change, but apparently this is “news”.

That Explains It

Yesterdays breaking news was that all eight suspects, held in connection with the London and Glasgow bombs, worked in the NHS. Most of them were doctors. That explains a lot about the state of the National Health System.

I’m not sure which I find most disturbing: the fact that we put our lives in the hands of people who would rather kill us than save our lives, or the fact that they are so completely incompetent – as proved by their failure to even blow up a burning car with a bomb in it.


As they were being arrested, the two men at Glasgow airport could be heard arguing.
“You’re supposed to light the wick sticking out of the bomb, not set fire to yourself!”
“It’s your stupid driving, I dropped the match!”

Earlier, in London
“Hello Dr Ayman al-Zawahiri; thank you for coming to the ‘phone. I’m sorry but I couldn’t detonate those bombs; I seem to have misplaced the detonator. Oh, I’m sorry, can you excuse me? I’m being interrupted by a patient…”

“Doctor, I feel much better after having my Gall Bladder removed, but I’ve noticed a very strange ticking sound…”

There’s a Crow Among the Pigeons

The idiom “Put the Cat Among the Pigeons” means to create a disturbance or cause trouble, making others angry or worried. Thought to originate in Iran and India where Caracal cats were tamed and trained for bird hunting and put into arenas with a flock of pigeons where wagers were made on how many birds the cat could bring down.


Sheryl Crow has been on a “Stop Global Warming” College Tour in the US recently and has been quoted on BBC News as saying:
“I have spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming” and her suggestions?
“I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting” Good luck with enforcing that one then. Anyone for toilet duty?

So just how many squares are deemed sufficient?
“…only one square per restroom visit…” What? I know everything is supposed to be bigger and better in America, but just how big are the squares of her toilet paper?

“…except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required”

Yeah, yards not squares.

Obviously not an IBS sufferer.

Bringing Home The Bacon

Obviously the great minds of our day have found the solution to all of mankind’s problems and have left “Scientists” with little to do with their time and resources, judging by this article.

Apparently, 4 researchers at Leeds University have spent more than 1,000 hours testing 700 variations of the traditional bacon sandwich to determine how to make the perfect bacon butty.

I especially liked the last paragraph where the mathematical formula for the perfect bacon butty was explained in detail. I shall sleep well tonight.

An End to Slavery?

There has been a lot of news articles recently about the 200th anniversary of the “abolition” of the slave trade, which apparently falls on Sunday 25th March.

The media has focussed a lot of attention on sex trafficking and described that as a type of slavery, as if the connection between the two has only just occurred to them, or as if they’ve only just discovered that it exists.

Wake up and smell your Fair Trade coffee.

And then there’s this little gem.

Personally I find it perversely hypocritical to say on one hand:

“We’re appalled that our ancestors used to treat their fellow man in this way. We’re so glad that we’re a civilised nation now, and don’t earn our fortunes through the slave trade anymore”

…and then on the other hand say…

“…but I’ll keep hold of my huge inheritance that was amassed through treating others in such an appalling way, thank you very much.”

If you wish, you can help to pay for the upkeep of their home which was built on slavery, and in exchange have a guided tour. Of course, being a charitable institution, you are encouraged to pay more than the base entry fee, thus enabling them to claim a further 28% from the government.

In keeping with the spirit of charity, entry is free on Sunday 25th March – the 200th anniversary of the abolition of the slave trade.

Happy anniversary.

TODAY'S HEADLINE NEWS

HUMANS BLAMED FOR CLIMATE CHANGE

Well whose fault did you think it was? Who the hell else is there to blame?

A New Kind of Stupid

I just had to blog today on the level of stupidity that I have seen in the news recently. Forget the stupid drivers, forget the stupid shoppers; today I have read news articles that show a new kind of stupid.

Take for example the news about the stricken cargo ship MSC Napoli. Containers have been strewn across Branscombe beach in Devon, and it is reported that looters have been turning up in droves to scavenge what they can find on the beach. This has rightly been condemned by the police and coast guard officials as the goods inside these containers obviously belong to other people, some of which are personal items.

However, as much as the greed of these people disgust me, the thing I found stupid beyond belief was a comment submitted to BBC News and quoted within the article:

“Let them keep what they find. They are removing rubbish from the beach!”
Ken Bolton from Manchester

Umm… no. You see this is rubbish (which is clearly being left behind):



What is actually being removed is barrels of wine and BMW motorbikes, and other valuable items.



Also in the news is a two year old boy who was banned from a shop for refusing to remove his “hoodie”:





And on a more serious note is the story of a man who lost his life during a mugging that went wrong. The Judge David Hodson is quoted as saying regarding the murderer:

“The dreadful catalogue of physical and emotional abuse you have been subjected to as a child has undoubtedly contributed to the anti-social behaviour disorder you suffer.”

I'm sure this statement will bring great comfort to the victims family. If you click on the link to the news article you can watch video phone footage of the murderer "suffering" from the affects of his anti-social behaviour disorder.

Two questions: Is anti-social behaviour a disorder?* And is physical and emotional abuse as a child a justifiable excuse for a completely unrelated murder in adulthood?

I'd just like to point out that I have friends who wrote the book on suffering physical and emotional abuse, and yet they are balanced, upright members of society. They don’t mug people; they don’t carry knives; and they don’t stab people to death.




*If so, I’m sorry kids but your ASBO no longer makes you look “tough” and “cool” – it just proves you’re a fruit cake.

Images from BBC News

Death Wail over Whale Death

I’ve just read about a 43foot dead whale that has washed up on a beach, and the options that supposed “experts” are considering to dispose of the body.

Believe it or not, one option that is being considered, according to the article, is to bury it on the beach. I don’t know about you, but I don’t fancy sitting on a grave site to eat my picnic.

Another option, which thankfully has been ruled out, is to use explosives to destroy the body. I can’t even believe that this option was even given serious consideration.

What has happened to common sense these days? Just tow the blinkin’ thing back out to sea and let nature take its course. You'd think a whale had never died before. What the hell do they think normally happens when a whale dies?

Remember you're a Womble...

A song by The Wombles, a childrens TV program that started in 1973. "Womble" is sometimes used as slang for an old person. Also "A user who has great difficulty in communicating their requirements" - Dictionary.com (Which sounds like me)

I’ve had a couple of people ask me now “When are you going to post again?” But the truth is “life” keeps interrupting my blogging habits. I decided I must make a serious effort tonight though, after seeing that a friend of mine is managing to find time for her own blog now, despite having 5 kids at home, decorating, and being a student at the same time. People like her really put me to shame; I only have Mr Man and myself to look after but I still don’t know where all the time goes. She is the queen of multi-tasking though. She is the only person I know who can actively participate in a conversation whilst typing at the same time. Blimey, I can’t even hold a conversation while I’m making a hot drink.

Just lately it seems that any multi-tasking skills of mine have long gone, and even my single-tasking skills are diminishing rapidly. To put it mildly I’ve been feeling a tad… well, brain dead really. As mentioned in my last post I have had moments with “sudden onset dyslexia” and when I’m driving I find that I am having moments with sudden onset “I don’t know how to drive anymore” syndrome. “I’m sorry for my terrible driving tonight” I’ll say to Mr Man. He’s very understanding and patient with me though, and will just calmly reply with “Well, you have made some rather unusual gear changes”.

The other night I didn’t realise I had served up cold chicken with our hot potatoes, vegetables, and gravy until I started eating it – I just completely forgot to heat it up (and yes, I was having a conversation whilst cooking). And last night I teased a couple of friends of mine whose partners have both gone on holiday (one male and one female), saying “Maybe they’ve run away together”, and it wasn’t until halfway through the night when I was laying in bed, I finally remembered that the two friends who have gone away are brother and sister!

If this is old age setting in I’m done for; it’s all down hill from here. Still, at least I'm not as stupid as this person.